The Shaping of a Woman
By Demond A. Jackson
Last night, I learned a lesson about women. That most men truly failed to understand: “The elements that shape a woman.”
Now don’t get me wrong every being in existence is shaped by he, she or its environment. But elements have a way of affecting each organism differently. Sort of like how water when mixed with the element fire turns into steam, but when its mixed with the element ‘wind’ it turns to ice. Simply put, the effects of pain and hurt has a different effect on men vs. women. Think of it this way…men are like wind, women are like fire, and hurt is water.
This morning I just finished reading “Game Over” by Winter Ramos, her book is about her Family, her sexcapades and her transformation from girl to woman. There’s a point in her story where she says:
” Feelings began to stir inside of me. They seemed to be more extreme than before. I remember praying that they didn’t get to the level of emotions that I felt for Big Money. I was now afraid to go back there…but a part of me began to wonder if the feelings were moving towards love, but knowing myself, that wasn’t the case. Big Money messed me up that badly. Still, though, I was spending every weekend in Jersey.”
After reading these simple words… it-all-suddenly.., made sense to me. Women are extremely shaped by the hurt that has been inflicted on them, do to past experience. I realized how Love, is truly mental, physical and emotional for women. I finally came to know how hurt can trigger a different mental state in men vs. women. Women are often times imprisoned by hurt, it’s an anchor that keeps them running in circles. I now realize how important it is…a man needs to know and understand… the elements that shaped the women he loves. Knowing these things will help men better communicate and understand the mindset of his partner. Winter’s story, gave me a clear view, at how a woman can hinder herself from having a free flowing love.
I’ve been around these type of women all my life, but I never really understood (why they were the way they were.) I didn’t realize, that because of Joe Blow, Brother Charles may never know, what it is or was- to have the love Joe Blow got out of his women.
To add insult to injury, Charles doesn’t understand and fails to acknowledge the fact that (if it wasn’t for Joe Blow and the
b%lS*& he put his woman through he most likely wouldn’t be with her now.)
Brothers need to know and understand these things in their totality. Therefore, a women needs to explain these things, with clarity and passion. [If avoiding the past is truly her goal.] She needs to consider that the average man is not thinking on the level that I’m relaying this message. Most men aren’t paying attention to things like “Why is my woman the way she is…? NO! He focusing on how much he “Loves the way you are…” He’s not thinking about “Who taught her how to bend her foot behind her head while she works it.” No! He’s just glad she knows how to do it. :o], While on the other hand a woman is actually thinking about “I wonder if he’s been in this hotel before.”, “I know he was doing this to her when they where together.”
It hurts her to think that you would be doing anything with anyone else but her, yet a man is simply glad that you thought about doing it for him. To keep it real with you, men prefer knowing that what you did for your ex- you will or are doing for him. But Women aren’t always wired like this: A women will be “Super Freak” for Joe Blow, yet tell Brother Charles “I don’t like the way it taste.” (LMAO)
Seriously though, I now know, that I have shaped many women. I pray my time, love and effort left every woman who has ever been with me, knowing a truth I pride myself on: “He never played me, he loves like he wants to be loved and did nothing but strive to make me better.”
With open eyes, my heart goes out to our significant others. This new found perspective that I am now sharing with you, has me accepting… ‘I actually shape the women in my life for the better, and the truth of the matter is..they helped shaped me into the man I am today. Every women in my life has shaped me to see what real love is… how far it will go, how selfish it can be, and to recognize game on site.
Yet, I’ve refuse to allowed, hurt from my past relationships to hinder my heart from loving anew. What I have allowed it to do to me is establish what I will and will not go for in a relationship…Wah La! Exposing how hurt has shaped my mindset, slightly limiting my ability to love… I refuse to love to the point that I except anything less than group and positivity in my relationship. At some point in a persons adult life Love should encompass knowledge and understanding. It should not make us feel like we are being oppressed, receiving less than our counterparts are putting in or devaluing who we are.
Remember, personal human interaction be it physical, spiritual or emotional are shaping the ones we’re with for better or for worse. Every spoken or unspoken word is shaping your husband or your wife, your friend or family. If you want a particular life with someone, then you need to wield your emotions, actions, words like an artist wields a paint brush. Each stroke needs to be precise and calculated in order to create a Mona Lisa or sculped a Vango.
Right now, all I see is men and women throwing paint, swinging their chisels recklessly, calling the final results abstract art i.e, “Love…” At the end of the day Winter Ramos story gave me the front row seat at seeing the shaping of a woman raised in the urban jungles of America, being nurtured under a level of cycle of family dysfunction that is having adverse effects on this nation to date. That being the case, I couldn’t allow this lesson to fall upon me without sharing it with my Love one’s who often get consumed by the Love & Hip Hop instead of the lessons in their confessions. When it’s all said and done… I pray that anyone who has been shaped by hurt, not to allow the effects, of that hurt to keep love from having a chance to shape them into the person they really need to be.
I'm the son of an African American queen, born and raised in Los Angeles California, where I was groomed in its infectious gang culture. For the past decade and half, the federal Bureau of Prison has been a institution of self-education, self-evaluation and the reason I now possess knowledge of self. That being so, I now strive to expose the solution to the problems that our plaguing our communities, America's youth and this country as a whole. There's a saying: "There's nothing new up under the sun." Simply put, if there's one thing in this universe existence, that has seen all thing that mankind has done or not done, it is the sun. That means the moral dissension that taking place currently is nothing new. Historian have written about times where the moral fabric of a nation was so tattered where the only solution for change was war a destruction. This country was built and establish to be the nation it is today. By the disenfranchised, those who were being oppressed by the Queen and her fellow Aristocrats. Therefore if this country is to change once again for the better. It will begin and must begin with the actions and the voice of the disenfranchised i.e, America's minorities, poor and it's third class citizen the American Ex-felon. That being said I'm committed to "WRITING MY WRONGS..." and sewing seed of knowledge and truth that will blossom into peace, prosperity and positive change
Writing Contact:
DEMOND JACKSON #05934-088
FCI Victorville Medium II
FEDERAL CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION
PO BOX 3850
ADELANTO, CA 92301
This is classic Bowen theory! All beings are shaped by their experiences. How do you even begin to write a wrong? I’d love to see a post about how to start making decisions that aren’t affected by our past experiences.