That which defines me…
By Demond A. Jackson
There’s is an old saying: “No man is your enemy, no man is your friend, every man is your teacher.” So one should become impersonal and learn what each man (or woman) has to teach, and soon he would learn his lessons and be free.”
-Excerpt from Game of of Life and How to play it
This morning, I had a discussion, in which I was asked:
“What would you define yourself as?”
This was a simple question, which in my opinion deserve a simple answer.
“A man.”
“Then what?”
“What do you mean then what?”
“Would you define yourself as a Blackman or just a man?”
I immediately knew where this discussion was headed. To make a long story short. My conversation arise from me and my love one discussing my stance when it comes to the empowerment of ex-felons and the incarcerated. My love one believes; “The world is not concerned with the injustices or adversities that inflict ex-felon’s and anything you say or do want change that.”
Which lead our discussion toward what do I think society will define me as? A man, black man or a ex-felon. My answers to that question was and is… “AÂ ex-felon.” Base on the fact when you Google Demond A. Jackson you’ll find that I’ve been incarcerated. When a creditor checks my credits they’ll see that my credit score has been none and void for the past 16 years. Which will more than likely cause to assume I’ve been incarcerated.
Now I have written before, about race and how I deem it applies to me vs. my ex-felon status and how it will define those like myself male or female. In my personal opinion all human being are define outside their genetic make up by their past, present, actions, en-action and beliefs. That being said I’m not ignoring the reality that people have, can and will be treated certain way based on their racial identities. Yet my truth is… if I apply for a job, at a black owned business, when my application is being processed and the employer realizes that I have checked the box marked [yes] next to the question: “Have you been convicted of a felony ?” My race, qualifications and geographical back ground is the last thing on this employers mind. His concern now is: “I wonder what he has done?”
The more I grow, the more I come to realize those who truly and genuinely love me the most, can see me for who I am beyond my present circumstances, past the mistakes I’ve made and the social stereotypes that are associated with me being incarcerated, but because of their own personal social standings i.e., hardworking, law abiding, middle class Americans.
They feel that I personally shouldn’t identify myself as a ex-felon. In their opinion and their associates. Society can care less about the concerns of ex-felons and the adversities they face while incarcerated. This understanding has made it clear to me that this belief is primarily based on the fact that “My love one’s personally don’t care about ex-felons and the incarcerated as whole!” Their only concern is me. I know my love one don’t mean to be inconsiderate or un-compassionate it’s just the way they are and how they see things.
This caused me to think back on the first time my little sister entered a prison, visiting me at U.S.P Lompoc. The first thing she said as she looked around the visiting room was: “These guys don’t look like harden criminals.” It didn’t dawn on me back then, but what she was saying in all truth was.. she assumed (like the majority of society) that these guys would look, and be something unlike her brother deserving of their plights they face whereas her brother isn’t. There’s a stereotypical belief amongst the majority of families who have a love one who’s been incarcerated or are incarcerated i.e., “Those others guys deserve to be there, but my brother, sister, father, mother, son and daughter deserves another chance and shouldn’t be in prison.”
The more I write the more it saddens me… to know that the people I love and would risk my life for, won’t be the people marching for change, nor will they be standing in front of the federal building demanding justice. That beings said I don’t want you to gauge their love for me based on that, it’s without question that that love me. The problem is: to do so would reveal that they have a love one who is a convicted felon and is currently serving a extensive sentence for conspiracy to distribute a controlled substance, they fear their associate and some of the people in they’re social circles will judge them. I’m that love one no one wants to talk about, that secret kept in their Pandora’s Box. Simply because it’s easier than explaining what makes me different from the rest of the ex-cons who have made mistakes and do some of the stereotypical things that ex-felons do. Yet they can never fathom how hurtful it is to know that your love ones fear acknowledging your existence out the discomfort it might cause them. :-{
Because at the end of the day my adversities is.. That which defines me!
Now… I understand how gays and lesbian feel when their love one’s don’t want them to come out of the closet. I’ll be the first to compare the convict empowerment movement, to the Gay and Lesbian movement. Basically because they are the best example in present times, were the socially unacceptable are fighting and winning justice, liberty and equality for the right to be who they are. Against the beliefs of those who share their same racial, religious and geographical background. Those who oppose their belief don’t care if they’re a black gay man, white gay man, Asian or Latino what they oppose is what defines these individuals vs. what the majority of what society deems is right. These extremes perspectives in certain society have lead to incarceration and death of gays and lesbian. In certain countries it is illegal to be gay and lesbian. Would you deny that this law is unjust? No nation is above creating unjust laws. It has been said for over two decades that America’s drug laws are draconian and unjust. President Obama has promised to correct these injustice sentences and conviction. I am a victim of these unjust laws. Therefore I strive to share my perspective and I refuse to shamed into oppression based on my circumstance. For those who lack compassion for my plight. I’m more than sure they are the same people against the gay and lesbian communities right to marriage. Yet I will fight and lift my voice until change falls upon me. Because I will learn that which I am to learn from friend, foe or love one until I am free.
I'm the son of an African American queen, born and raised in Los Angeles California, where I was groomed in its infectious gang culture. For the past decade and half, the federal Bureau of Prison has been a institution of self-education, self-evaluation and the reason I now possess knowledge of self. That being so, I now strive to expose the solution to the problems that our plaguing our communities, America's youth and this country as a whole. There's a saying: "There's nothing new up under the sun." Simply put, if there's one thing in this universe existence, that has seen all thing that mankind has done or not done, it is the sun. That means the moral dissension that taking place currently is nothing new. Historian have written about times where the moral fabric of a nation was so tattered where the only solution for change was war a destruction. This country was built and establish to be the nation it is today. By the disenfranchised, those who were being oppressed by the Queen and her fellow Aristocrats. Therefore if this country is to change once again for the better. It will begin and must begin with the actions and the voice of the disenfranchised i.e, America's minorities, poor and it's third class citizen the American Ex-felon. That being said I'm committed to "WRITING MY WRONGS..." and sewing seed of knowledge and truth that will blossom into peace, prosperity and positive change
Writing Contact:
DEMOND JACKSON #05934-088
FCI Victorville Medium II
FEDERAL CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION
PO BOX 3850
ADELANTO, CA 92301