Imitation of Life
By Demond A. Jackson
Yesterday I found myself consumed by re-runs of a show called “R&B Diva’s.” For those of you who do not know: I’m a stomp down R&B fan i.e., a fan of every women featured in this series last episode: Chrisette Michelle, Michele’, Leela James, Chante Moore, Claudia and Lil Moe. Watching these Diva’s pulled on my heart strings at times and at others, it had me “hot as fish grease!” Seeing each woman’s expose her personal struggles, watching their gifts, blessing and womanly worth being devalued by one another bothered me beyond my own understanding.
So much so that I went to sleep with these women on my mind, tossing and turning wondering: How could these beautiful, talented, strong women be at odds with one another, with life and even themselves. At one point Michele’ admitted that its a struggle, being in the limelight having to live up to the expectation of fans and society. I was humbled by her ability to admit that she had considered committing suicide. Simply because she had been ‘Imitating life’ for far to long. Doing this can sometimes be worse than facing the truth i.e, it took five years for Lil Moe to finally admit she was married to a man whom she never loved. She calls it falling out of love, yet could you ever fall out of love with your mother, father or children? Let’s be honest “NO!” I’ve been with someone for years in which I was never in love. I love her for the woman she was, but I wasn’t in love with her.
Therefore when our relationship was over it wasn’t about me falling out of love. It was about me no longer caring for the woman she was. Claudia’s conflict with her career and her responsibility as a mother made me realize how stardom and success doesn’t mean one has arrive to the point of knowing themselves and what they really want out of life. Chante Moore with all she has accomplish is still looking for more and yet she doesn’t have a clue that she should be past the phase were everything that glitter is gold. She so caught up in her personal desire for fame that she is devaluing genuine women who could and would love to learn from her.
Leela somewhat reminded me of my analytical self, uncut and a excellent judge of character. Yet she hasn’t learned as I have that some times our rawness can lack the empathy other require in order to except our views. Enduring adversity and having to “fake it to make it” can make the righteous act this way. But in all honesty she is so much than the anchors of her past hurts and those who took her kindness for weakness. When we allow these things to anchor us we become victims of ‘Imitating life’s’ i.e. “The Unappreciated.” Chrisette was the most kindred of them all, but she had her struggle as well imitating a entertainer vs. the artist she wants to be.
As I write this the it becomes clearer and clearer to me that imitating life simply a component of man’s existence. Some call them mask- the mask we must wear for different people to love, understand and respect us and no one is above this. Our favorite stars, mentors or most trusted loveone at times must imitate life and living in order to be that which we need them to be “Super stars, our Hero’s and Teflon Don’s.”
This understanding hits home personally because my incarceration causes me, day in and day out to “imitate life” for those who are amongst me. I’m the shoulder to lean on, the one they turn to when they are tired of “faking it to make it” and the epitome of everything isn’t as bad as it seems.
Like these women there are those who have high expectations of me (as I do for myself) so failing is not an option, being weak is not a option, even though I have my moments when I ask myself “If you are what they need you to be, then who is what you need them to be? And as quick as the thought enters my mind I’m reminded that God has seen me through death and destruction on many days and has given me strength to stand when all was falling around me. Therefore my imitation of life will always be those who refuse to be less than what their loveones needed when they needed it. It isn’t easy but it is what it is… For those of you who are wearing mask and imitating life choose a mask that suits you, imitate that which will compliment you and know that stars rule the sky, but at any given time even a star can crash and burn.
I'm the son of an African American queen, born and raised in Los Angeles California, where I was groomed in its infectious gang culture. For the past decade and half, the federal Bureau of Prison has been a institution of self-education, self-evaluation and the reason I now possess knowledge of self. That being so, I now strive to expose the solution to the problems that our plaguing our communities, America's youth and this country as a whole. There's a saying: "There's nothing new up under the sun." Simply put, if there's one thing in this universe existence, that has seen all thing that mankind has done or not done, it is the sun. That means the moral dissension that taking place currently is nothing new. Historian have written about times where the moral fabric of a nation was so tattered where the only solution for change was war a destruction. This country was built and establish to be the nation it is today. By the disenfranchised, those who were being oppressed by the Queen and her fellow Aristocrats. Therefore if this country is to change once again for the better. It will begin and must begin with the actions and the voice of the disenfranchised i.e, America's minorities, poor and it's third class citizen the American Ex-felon. That being said I'm committed to "WRITING MY WRONGS..." and sewing seed of knowledge and truth that will blossom into peace, prosperity and positive change
Writing Contact:
DEMOND JACKSON #05934-088
FCI Victorville Medium II
FEDERAL CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION
PO BOX 3850
ADELANTO, CA 92301